When Discouragement Comes

"Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."

 

Dale Carnegie

                                                                                                                                                                 American lecturer, author, 1888-1955

 

 

It takes sunshine and rain to sustain life.  So many of us are programmed to think that mistakes are a way of telling us what we are not good at, or what is too hard to accomplish.  Without realizing it we unconsciously go through out I day being angry with ourselves for every little infraction and imperfection we notice.  In reality we should learn to look forward to our mistakes so that we can learn how to become a better critical thinker and problem solver.  Many millionaires were made because of a problem that seemed unsolvable to most.  If you not only allow but celebrate you failures you’d be surprised energy and motivation that follows.  With an attitude like that you can't loss for losing.

 

In reality most people will experience discouragement at some point in their life.  If we walk around looking for all the bad emotions and try to avoid them, all we really do is live a repressed or depressed existence.  When the rain comes we need to stop and pay attention to what is going on.   Ask yourself “Why am I discouraged? “ How would you categorize it?

 

1. Are you discouraged because you feel like there are too many obstacles getting in the way of what you want or need?

 

2. Are you discouraged because you are scared that what you have might be taken from you?

 

3. Are you discouraged because you’ve given up all hope?  Deciding that what you want is too hard to get so you would rather not try anymore.

 

 

Take one discouragement at a time and decide if it fits in category One, Two or Three.  Then take the corresponding actions and plan for your success.

1. If you are working hard but aren’t succeeding at the rate you want, write out all your obstacles.  Brainstorm and write out a plan to conqueror those obstacles.  When you are finished or feel stuck talk a friend or mentor, someone you  consider successful in that particular area in life.  Ask them to review you plan and give you suggestions on how to improve upon it.  Next implement your plan.  Every time you feel discouraged take some time to figure out if your plan needs to be tweaked or if you need to more encouragement to preserver.  Have a support system that can act like your cheerleaders so that you can easily get the much needed encouragement.

 

2. If you fear losing what things you love and I suggest buying a notebook or journal.  In you will write out at least five things that you are grateful for everyday with no repeats.  Make a point to enjoy the things or people that you are scared of losing as often as possible.  In reality all things material are temporary.  By learning taking the time to notice all of the great things you have on your life and by enjoying what you have will you have it you will live add joy and subtract regret from your life.

 

 

3. If you are just doing the bare minimum and living a life without purpose it is time to find your spark.  What are the thing that you love to do or are really good at doing.  Brainstorm on how you can use you hobbies, talents or passions on helping others.  You can help loved ones but it is great if you can help strangers.  Helping people that are not able to repay you for what you do for them is a great way to feel refreshed and encouraged.  When you do something you are good at and it helps someone else it helps you get your mind off of yourself and helps you to see some of the power and goodness you posses.

 

Discouragement is not all bad.  It is supposed to slow you down so that you can take the time to reexamine your life; in a way it can be a vacation.  Okay that might be a stretch but I truly believe that anything that comes your way can benefit you if you are patient with yourself and your circumstance.  When you give yourself unconditional love and have a plan there is nothing that will get in the ways of your goals and dreams.  So decided to today to NEVER GIVE UP!

For inspiration please check out meditation on isolation 

 

I Choose Love

If the glass is half empty it is also half full. Perception is what you make of it. Envision how you want to live your life and get help to figure out how to accomplish your dreams. Don't let your life become just a reaction to what happens to you.

MYOB- The Cofidence Booster

I found a powerful mantra on SP that has change my life, “What people think of you is none of your business".  My mom instilled in me the importance of maintaining a healthy self-esteem.  She worried that I would let people take advantage of me if I did not have a good sense of self.  I'm not sure if she saw something that I was not aware of but I made a conscious effort to feel good about myself.  Although I did not feel bad in as a pre-teen I felt great as a teenager (just in time for high school).  If someone whispered while looking in my direction I did not flinch.  If friends laughed at me I laughed too.  If I heard a rumor about myself I'd smile and think," Why are people concerned with me? They don't even know me."  And I would shrug it off.  I was not made of stone though, sometimes what people said mattered.  Sometimes harsh words revealed the ill intentions of people I care for deeply.  So in spite of myself I had to cut them out my life, but the sadness came from losing them, not from losing me.

 

I thought the teen’s years are suppose to be the toughest on your self-esteem; you suppose to struggle to find a stronger sense of self while fighting of the divisive actions of your peers.  Becoming an adult is about coming into your own, finding out what you want out of life and how to get it.  You no longer care what people say.  You want someone to acknowledge your accomplishments from time to, but you don’t feel crushed if someone does not like you.  At least that’s what I thought.  I have worked so hard in my life to refine my character.  To make decision that left me free of guilt and left my integrity intact.  I know that I’ve made many mistakes and have flaws, but I have nothing to hide and I feel great about that.  Then I leave the house and the neighbor smirks as she waves hello.  I sigh before answer the phone when I see it is my grandmother who tells me how much she hated my hair style every time we talk.  I feel nervous to share my credit score with my dad owns a finical planning business.  When I’m all alone I feel great about myself:  my looks, my intelligence, my personality and my accomplishments.  However, when comforted with other people’s opinions of me I feel bad.  Sometimes their concerns are valid, sometimes they don’t seem accurate, but my reaction is usually the same; I wonder why they don’t see the good in me and it makes me want to avoid them.  In the past I encouraged my friends and family to tell me the truth, tell me what needs to improve.  Now I wonder if any one sees if I’m okay just the way I am.

 

I know I feel vulnerable because I am not quick to look for other people weaknesses.  I have a gift for seeing the beauty in most people.  I don’t walk around with rose colored glasses; I just focus on the good and try to appreciate what is, not focusing on what should be.   I love encouraging people, telling them about their strengths and the impact that their talents have on others.  Now, after years of welcoming criticisms I have lost my footing and I look for any slight as an indication of everyone’s true feeling.  I smile at someone and they don’t smile back, they must not like me.  Someone stares at my hair too long, they must hate my hair cut.  A friend says she misses me but then does not want me come to her party, I must embarrass her.  I have these thoughts, not all the time, but often enough to curb my social life. At home no one gives me a weak hug or rolls their eyes when I speak.  When I’m alone I feel great about myself and do not feel consumed about what others think of me.

 

I know I should feel great when I’m alone I’m with anybody. A couple weeks ago I read someone’s blog on Spark People and it really touched my heart.  It was titled 25 Item To-Do List EVERYONE Should Be Doing. Then I read #18 on the list and it said, “What other people think of you is none of your business”.  These words hit home for me.  In the past when I feel tempted to feel bad because of someone’s reaction to me I tried to fix it by positive self talk:  people like you as much as you like them, nobody judges you, if someone has an issue they will tell you, people you love do not hold any resentment in their hearts towards you.  Telling myself those things did not work because sometimes they were not the truth.  At the time even if they are true I can’t prove it.  I am sick of criticism but I would rather someone tell me how they feel about me so I can make changes that will heal our relationship, apologize for my actions or explain my motivates.  Then I read it is not your business to know what others think of you and that made sense.  I don’t think that people have a right to my personal journal, why would I think that I have the rights to every thought that someone has about me.  I know that sometimes my thoughts are judgmental or critical, but that my thoughts don’t define me or how I feel about someone.  I love my husband with all of my heart and I can’t imagine life without him, but I have had a thought (or two) that would seem contradict that.  It is not my job to read people’s minds or to change myself to custom fit every relationship.  It is a waste of time to try to get everyone to like me, or to assume that my assessment of body language is accurate.  I finally discovered that life is not about thoughts.  Life is just being: being in the moment, focusing on the now, accepting what comes, enjoying what is.  I have many blessing in life and I love myself and I love spending time enjoying others.  I still want to welcome constructive criticism but I no longer feel the need to figure out how other see me.  It only matters that I see myself, my true self.   

[HQ] Natasha Bedingfield Pocketful Of Sunshine
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Why do you think some people seem so concerned with what others think of them?